The Hip Hop Family

A friend of mine had an article posted on her fb page that I decided to read. Here it is for you so that you can read it too:

While I know you may read that article and think oh Mon is all about women’s empowerment she MUST agree with that blog. I definitely don’t. Are there some points that I can understand – sure! But there are a lot of other things that make me raise my eyebrow. Perhaps the most annoying part is in regards to Jay Z using the word bitch. How this word is degrading to women, etc etc and now as a father and a husband he should retire the word from his vocabulary. It also states that now Jay Z is a ‘role model’ when he’s being doing dirt for so many years. And lastly something that irritates me about this article is – oh gosh there are so many things! I’m just going to touch basis.

I love Jay Z! And am a die hard fan. I don’t feel disrespected, degraded or anything else when he calls someone a bitch. This is because I know he’s not talking to me! Jay Z has a song called Bitches & Sisters in which he distinctly tells you the difference between a bitch and a sister. To me when Jay Z uses the word bitch he’s not talking to me! He’s not offending me because I’m not doing the trifiling shit that he describes a bitch as. Women get caught up so much on a man calling a woman a bitch that they take it to heart and say OMG he’s disrespecting women, he’s disgusting. For a second let’s be honest – there are some bitches that exist in this world! Be real with yourself. If a woman is doing the things that Jay Z describes in his song – having sex with a man because he’s a professional athlete in attempts to get pregnant and paid and being a gold digger. In this song he also says let’s describe a CERTAIN female. Not all females and certainly not BLACK females. A woman who works your nerves, holds you up, slows you up, is in the streets, tells lies, doesn’t have her own, is promiscious with all types of men in and out of her house and trying to get with her man’s homies,  what would you a consider her? A BITCH! Therefore she doesn’t get respect she gets what she deserves. A female who gets his respect is one who holds you down, works hard, helps your progress, cooks a meal and plays a role with the kids, does dirt outside of where she lives, who tells the truth, who drives her own car, who gives up her sex slowly and tells you when your boy is trying to get at her – that is what Jay Z considers a sister. A sister is definitely – a BLACK woman.  No where in him describing what a bitch is did he say ‘black bitch’. So how is it that Jay Z is extremely disrespectful to black women? It seems to me he’s holding us above the rest in this particular song. The only person who should be offended by Jay Z using the word bitch is the one whose personality fits all of that description. Jay Z is criticized in this article for using the word ‘bitches’, yet I’ve never heard anyone criticize The Notorious BIG (may he rest in peace) who has said a line such as ‘Kidnapping and F-ing a child in his ass and throwing him over the bridge’? But Jay Z says the word ‘bitch’ and it’s a huge deal of him being disrespectful to his family? What about a person like Terrell Owens who complains about child support all the time because he poorly managed his money – is that a better example for young black men? Should that be what they are looking up to? Jay Z has NEVER once denied who he was or encouraged people to live as he has lived. ‘Like I told you to sell drugs – no – Hov did that so hopefully you won’t have to go through that’. Jay Z never walks around and says I am proud of all the dumb ish that I’ve done. Have you listened to his music? Have you heard Song Cry, Soon You’ll Understand and You Must Love Me? Those lyrics are not those of a man who is glorifying his poor decisions. Nor is he pretending to be Tiger Woods (before the women). I’m not saying Jay Z is an excellent role model. But I am saying that he is a real person with real life experiences that he’s sharing with us and not ‘bluffing’ the situaiton.

The other thing that bothers me is how it says that black woman go after reformed bad boys. Here’s some reality – in the words of Michelle Alexander “More African American men are in prison or jail, on probation or parole than were enslaved in 1850, before the Civil War began.” The Civil War! So is it that we are ‘seeking’ reformed bad guys or is the reality of the situation that most African American men ARE reformed bad guys? I’ve dated all kinds of guys, the guy who made straight A’s in high school and college with every degree you can think of who has never been in trouble, to the ‘corporate thug’ who has gotten in a little bit of misdemeanor trouble but now has a degree, a great job and is very successful to the full blown ex-felon! There was nothing more appealing to me when I spoke of my man as the first described. THAT was what I was proud to say That’s MY man! No one WANTS a ‘bad guy’.  So as a successful black woman I can’t win for losing. If I give only good guys a chance then I’m ignoring the blue collar worker, if I give a bad guy a chance I’m looking for a reformed bad guy?! Give me a break. A man is a man. Nothing more nothing less. We go after who we like for whatever reason, the same way that I dated all 3 of those guys there was something that I liked about each of them. I didn’t seek any of them out – they found me and when they did I gave them all a fair shot. S0 no a mature female is not seeking a ‘reformed bad guy’ nor finds that appealing but if you fall in love with him – you simply fall in love with him.

Finally I must say that as a black woman I’m tired of reading articles in which we criticize one another. What about all the great things Beyonce and Jay Z have done? What about the fact that all the presents they received for Blue they donated to charity? What about the fact that when Katrina happened Jay Z donated over 1 million dollars to the Red Cross and Beyonce (with Kelly Rowland) created the Survivor Foundation as well as holding food drives prior to her concerts? What about the causes Jay Z  supports such as The Boys & Girls Club, the Red Cross, the Equity Fight Against AIDS just to name a FEW! And Beyonce’s list of good deeds is HUGE! Why are we so quick to talk about the BAD things that are perceived such as black hate, black haters, and self haters? Black people are positive and changing the world! Those of you who get caught up in how we’re being held down are focusing so much on how someone else is holding us ‘down’ that we’re not focusing ENOUGH on how we can bring one another up! Congrats to Jay Z & Beyonce on their baby! May she have a great heart and be just as successful as her parents. That’s what I WISH for her.

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